Lunch? cool! on my way to the restaurant, i could not help but wonder if we would have something different to talk about? I have not seen you in like....a month? Everything with you is somewhat dramatic. I get it, because i have a certain flare for the dramatics myself. Sometimes when i'm with you i feel emotionally drained and can't stop wondering what our "friendship" is about..
You: No let's sit over there..
Me: Sure
We get to the table she picked out
You: uhmmm...nah...lets sit over there instead
Me: Sure
We move to the new table
You: You know...i think we should probably sit down next to the Christmas tree.
It will give us that Christmassy feel while we eat...what do you think?
At this time all i wanted to do was just sit once and for all
We eventually sit down and your first topic of conversation was about a lady you have complained about severally. We talk about how weird she is, How much she loves attention, how much trouble she has been to all and sundry. I felt myself getting worked up, my blood starting to pump as i talked about how much i disliked a lady whom i have never interacted with on a personal level. We talked about this for about an hour.Then we talked about your job *thank God you didn't complain about anybody* . Soon it was time for us to part ways as we had exceeded our lunch break. On my drive home, i felt emotionally restless, what is it about you that keeps me drained? You are an amazing person, we have great intellectual conversations, you help bring out the fun side of my personality, and i love your boldness. However, i usually leave our meetings emotionally drained. Why did you have to complain about how your salad was mixed? why did you have to complain about the services? why did you have get involved in an awkward banter about salad with the waiter? why did we have to talk about someone we talk about all the time and it is always same complaint?. Why don't you just choose your battles and let somethings go? The world does not operate on an auto pilot to satisfy you. I know i am difficult in my own way but could we have had a nice lunch break with no headaches? But, again you have a flare for the dramatics and i guess that is why you are my "friend"
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Faith+Hope+Love
And these three things remain Faith, Hope and Love but the greatest of this is love!
This song gives me so much hope that there is more to life and that is Christ Jesus and that there is more to death which is also Christ Jesus! I hope this song touches and encourages Christians and open up the minds of unbelievers...in Jesus Name
This song gives me so much hope that there is more to life and that is Christ Jesus and that there is more to death which is also Christ Jesus! I hope this song touches and encourages Christians and open up the minds of unbelievers...in Jesus Name
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
No Satisfaction
Chapter 11 Satisfy
March 21, 2010
“Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love.”
-Psalm 90:14
Satisfaction.
We want it. We run after it. And yet, somehow
it always seems to elude us.
What’s our problem?
What went wrong?
I mean, we buy what the commercials tell us to buy.
We’re caught up on Lost and American Idol.
We see all the movies our friends tell us will change our lives.
We flip through the magazines, we buy all the right clothes,
listen to all the right music,
we’ve got over a thousand friends on facebook, twitter, and a girlfriend/boyfriend
who must be perfect because we met them on match.com, and yet,
somehow that old nagging feeling just won’t go away.
Why is that?
Why did the Rolling Stones sing, “I can’t get no satisfaction?”
Why did Brittany go crazy?
Why did Tiger go running around with all those women?
And why, if we’re honest,
are we still tempted to do the very things we hate?
Well, by no means do I think I can cure that unquenchable longing in our
hearts with a simple journal entry, but I do think I might be able to shed some light
on the subject.
First and foremost, we have to come to terms with the fact that we’re not home yet.
I mean, do we know that? Do we consider that when the tv tells us what we need?
Do we think about that when we start going down that road for pleasure that we swore we’d never get on?
C.S. Lewis said,
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy,
the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
Sometimes, I think we put way too much stock into this world.
We have these amazing moments, we experience these unbelievable foretastes of glory,
and so we think, “This is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for!” This game, this music, this romance, etc.
We make the mistake of deifying the good things God has given us to enjoy, and end up doing terrible
things for pleasure that we never thought we’d do.
To quote Tim Keller, “We make the good things ultimate things,” and the irony is, that’s when we can’t
really enjoy them at all.
This is a silly example but let’s say you eat a bowl of ice cream at dinner tonight, and it’s bar none, the
most exquisite edible delight you’ve ever tasted. We’ll you’re now faced with two options,
you can either simply thank God for the wonderful gift of dessert and go on with your day,
or you can start to believe that this ice cream is the very thing you’ve been waiting for all your life.
You think, somehow, this tasty treat will fill my soul with joy and rescue me from my discontentment.
This creamy deliciousness was meant to save me from my misery.
So you then go to fantastic lengths to secure yourself a lifetime supply of it.
You buy truck loads of it, eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
only to die a month later from clogged arteries and horrendous brain freeze.
Like I said, it’s silly, but this is in effect what we do with all sorts of things.
Yeah, probably not ice cream but maybe
a band, a friend, a team, a city, a tv show, a lover…
We set all kinds of things and people up as our Saviour, and when they disappoint us,
we don’t know where to turn.
But here’s the deal. If we first understand that our soul is longing for far more than this world can offer
then we can learn to expect and manage a certain level of discontentment in our soul, as we walk this earth.
And yeah, that might sound depressing, but it’s also incredibly freeing.
To quote Jon Foreman,
“It was a beautiful letdown, the day I knew, that all the riches this world had to offer me, will never do.”
You see, when your spouse or sports team or favorite food or music no longer has to be the thing that
satisfies the deepest longing in your heart, you can actually enjoy them more.
Suddenly, the pressure’s off.
Have you ever read the story in Genesis about Jacob and his two wives?
It’s quite depressing and wonderfully relevant to what we’re thinking about here.
If you haven’t read it, basically, this kid named Jacob is in trouble with his brother and father,
so he runs away to his Uncle Laban.
And when he gets there he falls in love with Laban’s daughter Rachel.
So much so, that he makes this ridiculous offer of working seven years for her hand in marriage.
Well, Laban recognizes right away that Jacob has a serious love infatuation and decides to cash in.
Laban has another daughter named Leah, who’s “weak in the eyes,” which is a nice Biblical way of
saying, “She was uuuugggglllllyyy!” And so, when the time comes for Jacob to marry Rachel,
Laban, knowing he’s gonna have a hard time getting a guy to buy Leah off his hands, gives Jacob
Leah instead. And I guess there must have been a lot of veils and wine involved,
because the text says it wasn’t til the next morning that Jacob wakes up and “Behold! It was Leah!”
Yeah, that’s disturbing huh? I mean, how did he not know that it was Leah?
Well, we’re not exactly told, but we are shown something terribly intriguing.
Later on in the story, Jacob ends up marrying Rachel too, and you see all sorts of pandemonium break loose.
Jacob loves Rachel more than Leah, and so Leah starts naming her children things like,
“Now my husband will see me” and crazy stuff like that.
But you also see Rachel jealous of Leah because Leah can have kids and she can’t.
So Rachel is giving her hand maid to Jacob to sleep with.
You also see Laban running after Jacob because he wants to keep getting money from him, etc etc etc.
Let’s just say, their family would make quite an entertaining Jerry Springer show.
But here’s the deal.
That phrase, that one single phrase,
when Jacob wakes up after marrying the wrong sister, says so much.
“And behold, it was Leah.”
You see, that isn’t just for Jacob, it’s for us.
This is the disillusionment that we all live in.
How could Jacob not know it was Leah?
Because he was blind.
Blind by what?
Desire.
Hmmmm. Sound like anyone you know?
It sounds impossible that Jacob could not have known who he was marrying,
but isn’t the same for us?
We think this one person, this one thing, this one job,
this one house or car or cell phone or whatever is going to finally do it.
This will satisfy.
And so we spend all our money on buying, wooing, and getting that one thing we have our heart set on,
and when we finally win them or buy them or whatever; what happens?
“And behold it was Leah.”
I’ve always loved this David Wilcox song called, “Break in the Cup.”
In the song he likens all of us to cups with cracks.
Yeah yeah, ha ha, we all have cracks. I can almost hear the middle schoolers snickering in the back.
In any case, he says that we all have a crack in the cup that holds love inside us, and no matter how much
we try to get other people to fill us, the crack in our cup lets the love run out.
I suppose we could call the crack sin, and the cup is our heart.
Well, in the bridge, after trying desperately to get his cup filled and coming up empty he sings,
“we cannot trade empty for empty, we must go to the waterfall,
for there’s a break in the cup that holds love, inside us all.”
Did you catch that?
“We must go to the waterfall.”
Sometimes, our relationships with other people are so miserable because we think they’re on this
earth to make us happy. They need to fill our cup and make us feel complete, and when they can’t,
we get angry. We get upset.
But how much more could we enjoy each other if instead of trying to get them
to fill us we walked with each other toward the waterfall?
Cause you know,
not only do we have a crack in our cup that lets the love out,
but we actually have a cup that’s too big for anyone or anything to fill.
I liken it to a little grand canyon in our hearts, which yes, is ironic, because it’s a grand canyon and it’s little,
but you know what I’m saying.
We have this canyon inside us and it’s so big, that try as we may
to throw facebook and myspace and twitter and
Twilight and romance pebbles in there, it just won’t get full.
Consider Augustine’s words with me for a moment.
“Our hearts are made for Thee O God, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.”
Do you know that?
Do you know that your heart is too big for this world?
Have you rested in God as the source of your heart’s longing?
Or are you still clinging to the lie that your soul is small enough to be satisfied by this world?
Have you considered Moses’ prayer in Psalm 90,
“Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love?”
I love that prayer, because it shows us that Moses knew his own heart.
He knew how much joy He was made for, and He knew that if He didn’t get God
to come and pour into the canyon of his heart first thing in the morning, that he would
go running after pebble like substitutes.
Satisfy me in the morning! In the morning!
And then, and this is the hard part,
if you don’t feel satisfied, don’t go running after substitutes.
Just wait.
Sit right there, content in your discontentment, and say to God,
“Alright look. I don’t feel satisfied by you right now, but one thing I know,
no matter what else I run to, it’s not gonna do it for me anyway, so I’m gonna wait for you.
Teach me O Lord, to know deeply that I’m not home here,
Teach me that all this world offers, and all the good things you’ve given us to enjoy,
they may be good, but they’re not the ultimate.
They’re not you.
Only you can satisfy.
“Taste and see the Lord is good.
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.”
-Psalm 34:8
This was written by Mike of Tenth Avenue north
http://tenthavenuenorth.com/blog/2010/03/21/chapter-11-satisfy/
March 21, 2010
“Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love.”
-Psalm 90:14
Satisfaction.
We want it. We run after it. And yet, somehow
it always seems to elude us.
What’s our problem?
What went wrong?
I mean, we buy what the commercials tell us to buy.
We’re caught up on Lost and American Idol.
We see all the movies our friends tell us will change our lives.
We flip through the magazines, we buy all the right clothes,
listen to all the right music,
we’ve got over a thousand friends on facebook, twitter, and a girlfriend/boyfriend
who must be perfect because we met them on match.com, and yet,
somehow that old nagging feeling just won’t go away.
Why is that?
Why did the Rolling Stones sing, “I can’t get no satisfaction?”
Why did Brittany go crazy?
Why did Tiger go running around with all those women?
And why, if we’re honest,
are we still tempted to do the very things we hate?
Well, by no means do I think I can cure that unquenchable longing in our
hearts with a simple journal entry, but I do think I might be able to shed some light
on the subject.
First and foremost, we have to come to terms with the fact that we’re not home yet.
I mean, do we know that? Do we consider that when the tv tells us what we need?
Do we think about that when we start going down that road for pleasure that we swore we’d never get on?
C.S. Lewis said,
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy,
the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
Sometimes, I think we put way too much stock into this world.
We have these amazing moments, we experience these unbelievable foretastes of glory,
and so we think, “This is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for!” This game, this music, this romance, etc.
We make the mistake of deifying the good things God has given us to enjoy, and end up doing terrible
things for pleasure that we never thought we’d do.
To quote Tim Keller, “We make the good things ultimate things,” and the irony is, that’s when we can’t
really enjoy them at all.
This is a silly example but let’s say you eat a bowl of ice cream at dinner tonight, and it’s bar none, the
most exquisite edible delight you’ve ever tasted. We’ll you’re now faced with two options,
you can either simply thank God for the wonderful gift of dessert and go on with your day,
or you can start to believe that this ice cream is the very thing you’ve been waiting for all your life.
You think, somehow, this tasty treat will fill my soul with joy and rescue me from my discontentment.
This creamy deliciousness was meant to save me from my misery.
So you then go to fantastic lengths to secure yourself a lifetime supply of it.
You buy truck loads of it, eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
only to die a month later from clogged arteries and horrendous brain freeze.
Like I said, it’s silly, but this is in effect what we do with all sorts of things.
Yeah, probably not ice cream but maybe
a band, a friend, a team, a city, a tv show, a lover…
We set all kinds of things and people up as our Saviour, and when they disappoint us,
we don’t know where to turn.
But here’s the deal. If we first understand that our soul is longing for far more than this world can offer
then we can learn to expect and manage a certain level of discontentment in our soul, as we walk this earth.
And yeah, that might sound depressing, but it’s also incredibly freeing.
To quote Jon Foreman,
“It was a beautiful letdown, the day I knew, that all the riches this world had to offer me, will never do.”
You see, when your spouse or sports team or favorite food or music no longer has to be the thing that
satisfies the deepest longing in your heart, you can actually enjoy them more.
Suddenly, the pressure’s off.
Have you ever read the story in Genesis about Jacob and his two wives?
It’s quite depressing and wonderfully relevant to what we’re thinking about here.
If you haven’t read it, basically, this kid named Jacob is in trouble with his brother and father,
so he runs away to his Uncle Laban.
And when he gets there he falls in love with Laban’s daughter Rachel.
So much so, that he makes this ridiculous offer of working seven years for her hand in marriage.
Well, Laban recognizes right away that Jacob has a serious love infatuation and decides to cash in.
Laban has another daughter named Leah, who’s “weak in the eyes,” which is a nice Biblical way of
saying, “She was uuuugggglllllyyy!” And so, when the time comes for Jacob to marry Rachel,
Laban, knowing he’s gonna have a hard time getting a guy to buy Leah off his hands, gives Jacob
Leah instead. And I guess there must have been a lot of veils and wine involved,
because the text says it wasn’t til the next morning that Jacob wakes up and “Behold! It was Leah!”
Yeah, that’s disturbing huh? I mean, how did he not know that it was Leah?
Well, we’re not exactly told, but we are shown something terribly intriguing.
Later on in the story, Jacob ends up marrying Rachel too, and you see all sorts of pandemonium break loose.
Jacob loves Rachel more than Leah, and so Leah starts naming her children things like,
“Now my husband will see me” and crazy stuff like that.
But you also see Rachel jealous of Leah because Leah can have kids and she can’t.
So Rachel is giving her hand maid to Jacob to sleep with.
You also see Laban running after Jacob because he wants to keep getting money from him, etc etc etc.
Let’s just say, their family would make quite an entertaining Jerry Springer show.
But here’s the deal.
That phrase, that one single phrase,
when Jacob wakes up after marrying the wrong sister, says so much.
“And behold, it was Leah.”
You see, that isn’t just for Jacob, it’s for us.
This is the disillusionment that we all live in.
How could Jacob not know it was Leah?
Because he was blind.
Blind by what?
Desire.
Hmmmm. Sound like anyone you know?
It sounds impossible that Jacob could not have known who he was marrying,
but isn’t the same for us?
We think this one person, this one thing, this one job,
this one house or car or cell phone or whatever is going to finally do it.
This will satisfy.
And so we spend all our money on buying, wooing, and getting that one thing we have our heart set on,
and when we finally win them or buy them or whatever; what happens?
“And behold it was Leah.”
I’ve always loved this David Wilcox song called, “Break in the Cup.”
In the song he likens all of us to cups with cracks.
Yeah yeah, ha ha, we all have cracks. I can almost hear the middle schoolers snickering in the back.
In any case, he says that we all have a crack in the cup that holds love inside us, and no matter how much
we try to get other people to fill us, the crack in our cup lets the love run out.
I suppose we could call the crack sin, and the cup is our heart.
Well, in the bridge, after trying desperately to get his cup filled and coming up empty he sings,
“we cannot trade empty for empty, we must go to the waterfall,
for there’s a break in the cup that holds love, inside us all.”
Did you catch that?
“We must go to the waterfall.”
Sometimes, our relationships with other people are so miserable because we think they’re on this
earth to make us happy. They need to fill our cup and make us feel complete, and when they can’t,
we get angry. We get upset.
But how much more could we enjoy each other if instead of trying to get them
to fill us we walked with each other toward the waterfall?
Cause you know,
not only do we have a crack in our cup that lets the love out,
but we actually have a cup that’s too big for anyone or anything to fill.
I liken it to a little grand canyon in our hearts, which yes, is ironic, because it’s a grand canyon and it’s little,
but you know what I’m saying.
We have this canyon inside us and it’s so big, that try as we may
to throw facebook and myspace and twitter and
Twilight and romance pebbles in there, it just won’t get full.
Consider Augustine’s words with me for a moment.
“Our hearts are made for Thee O God, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.”
Do you know that?
Do you know that your heart is too big for this world?
Have you rested in God as the source of your heart’s longing?
Or are you still clinging to the lie that your soul is small enough to be satisfied by this world?
Have you considered Moses’ prayer in Psalm 90,
“Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love?”
I love that prayer, because it shows us that Moses knew his own heart.
He knew how much joy He was made for, and He knew that if He didn’t get God
to come and pour into the canyon of his heart first thing in the morning, that he would
go running after pebble like substitutes.
Satisfy me in the morning! In the morning!
And then, and this is the hard part,
if you don’t feel satisfied, don’t go running after substitutes.
Just wait.
Sit right there, content in your discontentment, and say to God,
“Alright look. I don’t feel satisfied by you right now, but one thing I know,
no matter what else I run to, it’s not gonna do it for me anyway, so I’m gonna wait for you.
Teach me O Lord, to know deeply that I’m not home here,
Teach me that all this world offers, and all the good things you’ve given us to enjoy,
they may be good, but they’re not the ultimate.
They’re not you.
Only you can satisfy.
“Taste and see the Lord is good.
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.”
-Psalm 34:8
This was written by Mike of Tenth Avenue north
http://tenthavenuenorth.com/blog/2010/03/21/chapter-11-satisfy/
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Dedicated to world leaders!!!!
Why do you hurt us without a care in the world?...oppressing and suppressing the masses with your machanisms of hate and power lust. You were supposed to be there for us, holding and helping us up in times of pain, giving us hope for a better tomorrow when the world looked bleak...why do you turn a blind eye to our plea for change....our hope that some where deep inside of you, you share and understand our pain and would some how come around has now turned to scorn...i look at the childrens' eyes and i see hunger and fear lurking within their souls and i wonder if you have any children of your own? how would you feel if you had no hope to offer them than this uproar and chaos you have created...what happened to your heart??? why have you become so hard hearted?....what happened to the cries of the young men and women who gave their souls for our independence...who stood against colonialism aka modern slavery?....
Now you stand back and watch as you fill up your coffers with gold and silver at the expense of the very people you "swore" to protect....Now your ever expanding waist line cannot even be hidden as your greed has been made evident to all....you eat, eat and eat until the day you eat your own soul because that is what greed does to man...
So called leaders who only lead their stomachs and pockets...you keep storing treasures for yourselves on earth...do you think you will never die???? or maybe you think your ill gotten wealth will perhaps help bribe your way into heaven? or maybe you have fooled yourselves into believing there is no here after...so you must get all you can now...well wait until you die to test your foolish theory!
The tears and wailings of the oppressed is rising higher and higher while you sit down and do nothing....you refer to us as fools and ignorant people with no ambition forgetting "we" are "you", same oppression the colonizers brought, you have now inherited with a smirk on your face. Your sly ways and lying tongue we know very well, your cold and calculating demeanor usually encased in a plastic smile has become well recognized by us the people...we now know your tricks great magician and they have no treats as promised. You go to sleep at night after scheduling your stealing arrangements with self serving smile playing on your lips...dreaming of yet another loot to acquire...can't you see that as your loot increases so is your greed and sleepess nights? but alas i am speaking to one who has been trapped within the clutches of self aggrandizement....
As my grandmother told me when i was younger "everyday is for the theif and one day is for the owner" we have begged you and have tried to reason with you....we have tried to tug on your emotions too...we did all that for years but you ignored us with glee... what do you expect us to do now...beg????...a time is coming o great leader when there would be no where for you to run too because you have destroyed the safe places....you would search and beg and even cry like us but the land would turn a deaf ear to you!....A time is coming when all the sorrow, pain and deaths you caused will be brought back to you to give a detailed account of...then you will wish you had a second chance to right your wrongs...better believe that you will give account of the killings,the man made famine and other man made disasters you engineered to further your greed induced lust!
Great Leader do you not see that there is a greater judge....who will judge all and everything?....do you not see that you were suppose to make a good and not bad change in us your people....do you not see that you will give account of all the deaths you caused through your greed.....you eat and say lets be merry at the expense of these fools.... but very soon your soul will be required of you by the greatest judge.....YOUR CREATOR..so continue to make merry while you can
Now you stand back and watch as you fill up your coffers with gold and silver at the expense of the very people you "swore" to protect....Now your ever expanding waist line cannot even be hidden as your greed has been made evident to all....you eat, eat and eat until the day you eat your own soul because that is what greed does to man...
So called leaders who only lead their stomachs and pockets...you keep storing treasures for yourselves on earth...do you think you will never die???? or maybe you think your ill gotten wealth will perhaps help bribe your way into heaven? or maybe you have fooled yourselves into believing there is no here after...so you must get all you can now...well wait until you die to test your foolish theory!
The tears and wailings of the oppressed is rising higher and higher while you sit down and do nothing....you refer to us as fools and ignorant people with no ambition forgetting "we" are "you", same oppression the colonizers brought, you have now inherited with a smirk on your face. Your sly ways and lying tongue we know very well, your cold and calculating demeanor usually encased in a plastic smile has become well recognized by us the people...we now know your tricks great magician and they have no treats as promised. You go to sleep at night after scheduling your stealing arrangements with self serving smile playing on your lips...dreaming of yet another loot to acquire...can't you see that as your loot increases so is your greed and sleepess nights? but alas i am speaking to one who has been trapped within the clutches of self aggrandizement....
As my grandmother told me when i was younger "everyday is for the theif and one day is for the owner" we have begged you and have tried to reason with you....we have tried to tug on your emotions too...we did all that for years but you ignored us with glee... what do you expect us to do now...beg????...a time is coming o great leader when there would be no where for you to run too because you have destroyed the safe places....you would search and beg and even cry like us but the land would turn a deaf ear to you!....A time is coming when all the sorrow, pain and deaths you caused will be brought back to you to give a detailed account of...then you will wish you had a second chance to right your wrongs...better believe that you will give account of the killings,the man made famine and other man made disasters you engineered to further your greed induced lust!
Great Leader do you not see that there is a greater judge....who will judge all and everything?....do you not see that you were suppose to make a good and not bad change in us your people....do you not see that you will give account of all the deaths you caused through your greed.....you eat and say lets be merry at the expense of these fools.... but very soon your soul will be required of you by the greatest judge.....YOUR CREATOR..so continue to make merry while you can
Monday, March 15, 2010
NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT SUCKS
We are tired of your antics Nigerian Government!...Give us water, give us electricity, give us good education, pay our teachers well...we are sick of you stealing from and oppressing the people you are suppose to be leading. You have destroyed the land by looting the national treasury. If you continue like this...what Nigeria are you going to leave for the future, future generations?!....Stop the violence in Jos and other parts of the country...WE ARE SICK OF YOUR OPPRESSION!.........ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Letter to my lost One
Dear Lost one,
Today i saw an old email you sent to me and ofcourse it came rushing back, the good, the bad and the ugly........ I remember how you broke away....it wasn't abruptly just subtle. Slowly, very slowly you slipped away from my grasp taking my heart with you. It's been like five years and i know i should pretend i don't think about you anymore but the truth is sometimes i still do....i wonder if you remember the moments we shared, the laughter, the simple things you taught me and the things you claimed i taught you. I remember the day you took me to the water front just because you wanted to see me smile...at that moment i did not appreciate your worth or even your efforts but now i know. Even in the moments of beauty i could see your heart was not ready...
You see, i thought you were different because you didn't come at me like the regular ol' dudes, you came as a friend and this i appreciated. I heard you got married and even though it's been a while my heart still felt a tug. I wish you happiness and lots of it but i still wondered if you love her like you loved me....i know it is wrong to think this way and i don't dwell on it, however if truth be told i do think about it... sometimes... like today.....
Now after all this years the pain is gone and all i have i can appreciate the moments we shared...the things you taught me about life because i was as young and silly as they came... I never thought i would say this but THANK YOU FOR SLIPPING AWAY...far far away.....i remember my desperation at the moment to hold on...if you never disappeared i would never have found me...you know, the sorrow drove me to the greatest lover...he loves me so much, so much more than you could ever have. In his love i am discovering me and living life like it is supposed to be lived... I heard the desperation in your voice when i listened to your voice message but i would never return your call not because we can't be friends but because of too much water under the bridge...it's the past and it's actually beautiful in the past.... So here is good bye lost one,let us take the different paths that life has lead us because really none of this things matter if we look at it from a bigger clear picture.... and here is one from lauryn Hill
From wannabewriter
Today i saw an old email you sent to me and ofcourse it came rushing back, the good, the bad and the ugly........ I remember how you broke away....it wasn't abruptly just subtle. Slowly, very slowly you slipped away from my grasp taking my heart with you. It's been like five years and i know i should pretend i don't think about you anymore but the truth is sometimes i still do....i wonder if you remember the moments we shared, the laughter, the simple things you taught me and the things you claimed i taught you. I remember the day you took me to the water front just because you wanted to see me smile...at that moment i did not appreciate your worth or even your efforts but now i know. Even in the moments of beauty i could see your heart was not ready...
You see, i thought you were different because you didn't come at me like the regular ol' dudes, you came as a friend and this i appreciated. I heard you got married and even though it's been a while my heart still felt a tug. I wish you happiness and lots of it but i still wondered if you love her like you loved me....i know it is wrong to think this way and i don't dwell on it, however if truth be told i do think about it... sometimes... like today.....
Now after all this years the pain is gone and all i have i can appreciate the moments we shared...the things you taught me about life because i was as young and silly as they came... I never thought i would say this but THANK YOU FOR SLIPPING AWAY...far far away.....i remember my desperation at the moment to hold on...if you never disappeared i would never have found me...you know, the sorrow drove me to the greatest lover...he loves me so much, so much more than you could ever have. In his love i am discovering me and living life like it is supposed to be lived... I heard the desperation in your voice when i listened to your voice message but i would never return your call not because we can't be friends but because of too much water under the bridge...it's the past and it's actually beautiful in the past.... So here is good bye lost one,let us take the different paths that life has lead us because really none of this things matter if we look at it from a bigger clear picture.... and here is one from lauryn Hill
From wannabewriter
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