Dear Lost one,
Today i saw an old email you sent to me and ofcourse it came rushing back, the good, the bad and the ugly........ I remember how you broke away....it wasn't abruptly just subtle. Slowly, very slowly you slipped away from my grasp taking my heart with you. It's been like five years and i know i should pretend i don't think about you anymore but the truth is sometimes i still do....i wonder if you remember the moments we shared, the laughter, the simple things you taught me and the things you claimed i taught you. I remember the day you took me to the water front just because you wanted to see me smile...at that moment i did not appreciate your worth or even your efforts but now i know. Even in the moments of beauty i could see your heart was not ready...
You see, i thought you were different because you didn't come at me like the regular ol' dudes, you came as a friend and this i appreciated. I heard you got married and even though it's been a while my heart still felt a tug. I wish you happiness and lots of it but i still wondered if you love her like you loved me....i know it is wrong to think this way and i don't dwell on it, however if truth be told i do think about it... sometimes... like today.....
Now after all this years the pain is gone and all i have i can appreciate the moments we shared...the things you taught me about life because i was as young and silly as they came... I never thought i would say this but THANK YOU FOR SLIPPING AWAY...far far away.....i remember my desperation at the moment to hold on...if you never disappeared i would never have found me...you know, the sorrow drove me to the greatest lover...he loves me so much, so much more than you could ever have. In his love i am discovering me and living life like it is supposed to be lived... I heard the desperation in your voice when i listened to your voice message but i would never return your call not because we can't be friends but because of too much water under the bridge...it's the past and it's actually beautiful in the past.... So here is good bye lost one,let us take the different paths that life has lead us because really none of this things matter if we look at it from a bigger clear picture.... and here is one from lauryn Hill
From wannabewriter
Girl.
ReplyDeleteYour blog has equally captivated me...readin that first paragraph you had me doin my church nod, because I know exactly how you feel, it's funny that 5 years on someone can still be tuggin' on your heart strings *sighs*
I'm happy that you found love in the end, this is realtalk, I'm glad that the pain has washed away and is no longer attached to the memory of the situation, to be able to let go is a beautiful thing, true freedom and peace of mind.
I admire it, I definitely love this post xoxo
Lol...thanks.. like you said on your blog there is something about writing it out and reading it...it's quite freeing...I guess it can take almost a life time to stop feeling the tugs even when you're are over it...it takes time but you will eventually be grateful for the experience...thanks for stopping by
ReplyDeleteoooo love me some Lauryn Hill...matters of the heart *sigh* can be so entangling. I love how you thank him for disappearing so you could find yourself...classic example of hidden blessings in hard times.
ReplyDeleteSo much passion in this note.
ReplyDeleteI like Lauryn Hill too...
@ Kilishi....it's funny how eventually you see the reason why they came into your life
ReplyDelete@Jaycee... thanks girl
Ladies i love me some lauryn man! i have been blasting her miseducation album every morning on my way to and back from work talk about genius...Lauryn where u at???